Why I like being a nerd

(This essay was written by my niece, Laura Mills, as part of her college application. It struck a chord with me, and I thought others might enjoy it)

A universal part of high school life is the practice of assigning specific social labels to various sub sets of students who were previously homogenous. Thus, a group of five “best friends” who were once bonded throughout their elementary school years by things such as living in the same neighborhood, or their love of softball, suddenly find themselves assigned to a whole new social order.

Right about the time they begin high school these five people who once considered themselves so similar are suddenly tagged as being very different, and their new social labels seem to stick better than any adhesive you can buy at Home Depot.

The lexicon of this phenomenon is as familiar to people who graduated from high school during the Eisenhower Administration as it is to people who cannot remember a time without the internet or cable television.

Even as you read these labels, you will likely - - if only subconsciously - - instantly assign faces from your high school experience into these convenient categories. They are known as the “jocks,” the “princesses,” the “brains,” the “slackers,” and yes, the “nerds.” I am a proud member of the latter of these groups.

While Hollywood has done its best to glorify our particular social subset with movies such as the 1984 classic, Revenge of the Nerds, the Breakfast Club and just about any other John Hughes movie, there are some unavoidable realities and consequences that escape the feeble attempts to recreate high school on the silver screen.

I’m told that life goes on beyond high school, but these labels and their meanings seem to linger much longer than whatever fashion sense seemed so important at the time. Really, who wears bell bottoms anymore? But you probably remember what social group you were assigned to in high school. It’s also quite possible that your label had a profound effect upon every social interaction you’ve had since you dressed in a gown and marched across a gymnasium while Pomp and Circumstance was played on a loudspeaker.

What do you think of when hear the word nerd? Maybe you were a nerd, maybe not, but you probably know a few people who were nerds. From my perspective, nerds are much less likely to need several hours of psychotherapy or court-ordered phone calls with probation officers within ten years of high school graduation.

Nerds, by their very definition, are not afraid of being true to their own essential character. Generally speaking, nerds are less frantic than non-nerds in the race to shed our childhood joys, fantasies and innocence during society’s push toward adulthood. Children don’t worry about what label is affixed to the back of their pants. Children like to play games, and their social awkwardness is forgiven because of their age.

But if a fifteen-year-old likes to play games, doesn’t care about their clothing labels and appears socially awkward, he or she is labeled as a nerd. Apparently, society rejects those who linger in childhood innocence.

Nerds reject the notion that we must conform to any other subset. We are the mongrels, the ones who cannot be so conveniently labeled by our SAT scores, our ability to throw a baseball or the net income of our parents. But there is a price to pay for our refusal to blend in and conform. The grinding wheels of society come to a screeching halt when one of the cogs snaps and refuses to roll along.

Non-nerds are very intolerant of those who refuse to play by the game of life as pre-determined by some sort of universal power that assigned our labels on the day after freshman orientation. Those punishments can be severe, especially when they are placed on the shoulders of young people with still-developing egos.

Even primitive cultures understand the significance and pain of being ostracized. Being cast aside or shunned by your peers is a battle scar that can take years to heal, but I think nerds become stronger as a result of this ultimate rejection.

Consider the words of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.” Some people say high school can be tough. That may be true, but other aspects of the human condition can also make for tough circumstances and are certainly more costly, such as the so-called mid-life crisis.

I don’t know of any statistical evidence to prove this next point, but I’m willing to bet those who were nerds in high school have better developed the skills necessary to adapt to an often cruel world than those jocks and princesses who pine for the glory days of the winning touchdown or being named senior prom queen.

Beauty fades and athletic ability wanes with the passage of time. But the strength and enduring spirit of surviving high school as a nerd can be carried to the grave.

That’s why I am proud of being a nerd, and am very much looking forward to my 25th high school reunion.

I only wonder if the labels will survive.